


Wade and Peter Watch A Porno

by NotEvenCloseToStraight



Series: Short Stories! [30]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Bottom Peter Parker/Top Wade Wilson, Coming Untouched, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Fingering, Laughter During Sex, M/M, Porn Watching, Sassy Peter, Smut, Spideypool - Freeform, Terrible Porn Star Names, These two are dorks, Wade has a Doctor Kink, mentions of spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 04:14:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15941582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight
Summary: “It’s not porn!” Wade denied. “It has a plot! Look! Obviously the woman has some sort of nymphomaniac related disease and the two nice doctors are going to cure her with the help of one rather busty receptionist and for some reason, the janitor.”“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” Peter said blankly. “You could have watched it in my bedroom at least.”“Now what kind of creep would I be if I broke into your apartment and watched porn in your bed while you slept out here?”“You could have not broken into my apartment.” Peter pointed out. “That’s always an option.”“And miss seeing you wake up all pretty like this?” Wade sent him a sweet smile and brushed a hair out of Peter’s eyes. “No way.”“You could have napped with me instead of watching–” Peter motioned towards the TV. “What’s it called?”“Gracie’s Anatomy.”“Oh Christ.” Peter burst out laughing that time. “Gracie’s Anatomy? Are you kidding me?”“Hey!” Wade left a quick swat on Peter’s behind. “I’m learning legit medical things! It’s practically a documentary!”(As always, my Spideypool pairing is based on Andrew Garfield/Ryan Reynolds)





	Wade and Peter Watch A Porno

“Wade, are you watching porn?” Peter asked groggily, his throat scratchy and voice all hoarse from a short-nap-turned-four-hour-nap on the world’s most uncomfortable couch.

Oh wait, it wasn’t a couch. When had he moved to laying on Wade’s lap?

“Wade?” he asked again, rubbing at his eyes and looking back over his shoulder. “Why am I on your lap? More specifically, why am I over your lap like you were trying to spank me?”

“Okay first of all?” Wade frowned down at him. “Sleep spankings are a no-go, yeah? I might have a constant hard on for dat booty, but I’d never spank you if you weren’t awake. Because not only would you probably drop kick me out a window and then web me to a wall? But also, if you’re sleeping, you won’t be able to make the greedy little whiny noise you think you don’t make but you absolutely  _do_ make that makes my dick want to explode.”

“You are talking way too much for me only being barely awake.” Peter complained, and tried to stretch, grumbling when his back twinged after being perched so awkwardly over his boyfriend’s lap. “And I don’t make a greedy  noise when you spank me.”

“Whatever you say, beautiful.” Wade rubbed at Peter’s lower back gently to ease the ache. “But if you need a reminder? We can put in that tape we made last week so I can prove multiple times that you do in fact–”

“WADE!” Peter hid his face in the couch cushion. “ _Don’t_!”

“God you’re cute when you’re pretending you’re shy.” Wade’s hand slid from Peter’s back down to the curve of that ridiculously tempting ass. “We can pretend that you don’t like to be spanked that’s fine. So other than a weird sleeping position, how was your nap?”

“Long.” Peter peeked at the TV again. “But  _really_? You’re watching porn on my couch while I’m napping?”

“It’s not porn!” Wade denied. “It has a plot! Look! Obviously the woman has some sort of nymphomaniac related disease and the two nice doctors are going to cure her with the help of one rather busty receptionist and for some reason, the janitor.”

“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” Peter said blankly. “You could have watched it in my bedroom at least.”

“Now what kind of creep would I be if I broke into your apartment and watched porn in your bed while you slept out here?”

“You could have  _not_ broken into my apartment.” Peter pointed out. “That’s always an option.” 

“And miss seeing you wake up all pretty like this?” Wade sent him a sweet smile and brushed a hair out of Peter’s eyes. “No way.”

“You could have napped  _with_ me instead of watching–” Peter motioned towards the TV. “What’s it called?”

“ _Gracie’s Anatomy_.”

“Oh Christ.” Peter burst out laughing that time. “You could have at the very least put in our  _Pirates_ porn.  _Gracie’s Anatomy_? Are you kidding me?”

“Hey!” Wade left a quick swat on Peter’s behind. “I’m learning legit medical things! It’s practically a documentary!”

Peter laughed even harder at that, then yelped a little when Wade swatted him again. “Okay, fine. Tell me one thing you’ve learned from this documentary.”

“That apparently a valid way to cure a sore throat is to stretch it with something thick and veined and uh– using a thrusting motion.”

“I’m leaving.” Peter snorted and started to sit up. “If all you’ve learned is to cure a sore throat with a blow job, I’m leaving and also? You’re not allowed near me when I’m sick anymore. I have lots of suspicions about your ability to doctor me.”

“Aw Peter Pumpkin.” Wade chuckled and ran his fingers up Peter’s back to tangle in the thick hair, tugging teasingly before gently pushing his head back down. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“Wade–”

“Don’t go anywhere.” Wade’s voice roughened, his hips lifting to rub the line of his very hard cock into Peter’s stomach. “Please?”

“ _Mmmm_.” Purely out of habit, Peter ground down into Wade’s lap, unable to resist Wade so obviously wanting him. “Is that for me, or for Dr.–” a quick glance at the TV. “Dr. Jack Hammer, M.D. Seriously!  _Jack Hammer_? Does the M.D. stand for Medicinal Dick?!”

Wade was silent and Peter twisted around as best he could to lay his  _most_ judgmental look at his boyfriend. “It stands for Medicinal Dick, doesn’t it?”

“I think it’s super rude of you to make fun of his profession.” Wade stuck his nose up in the air. “The doctor is providing a service and we need to respect him for that.”

A long suffering sigh from the pretty brunette. “Kay, Wade. Tell me. Are you currently trying to fuck my belly button because  _Dr. Hammer_ over there got you horny? Or because it’s me laying across your lap?”

“Baby boy, you know you’re the only one I get it up for.” The merc let go of Peter’s hair and put both palms on that beautiful butt, patting it lightly so it would jiggle. “You and dis  _ass_.”

“Babe, last week you popped a boner because the guy trying to rob the bank had a gun you wanted. Don’t you lie and tell me I’m the only one you get it up for.”

“You know what!?” Wade said loudly when Peter cracked up over his own sass. “I think porn-time should also be a judgment free time! Judgment free zone! No making fun of anyone for ill timed boners over conventionally unsexy things!”

“I thought it wasn’t porn.” Peter shifted up on the couch until his ass sat square on Wade’s lap, his own halfway-to-interested length pressing into Wade’s thigh. “You know, because it has a  _plot_?”

“It definitely has a plot.” Wade agreed, smoothing his hands own the back of Peter’s thighs before coming right back to the web-slinger’s ass. “Which makes it a rom-com, right? This is practically  _Pretty Woman_.” 

“Oh god.” Peter sighed and snuggled deeper into the couch, more relaxed now that he wasn’t balancing awkwardly across Wade’s legs. “Alright, well tell me what else you learned from this rom-com.”

“Well….” Obviously hearing the permission in Peter’s voice, Wade started working the loose sleep pants over the lean hips and down long legs until Peter’s ass and most of his thighs were bared. “I learned that taking someone’s temperature orally isn’t actually all that reliable? You always need a second data reading.”

“A second data reading.” Peter bit his lip as thick fingers trailed down his cleft. “And where on earth would you get a second date reading for something as  _infinitely_ important as taking a temperature?”

“Dr. Hammer suggested taking it one way.” A soft  _snick_ as Wade opened the bottle of lube they always kept beneath the cushion because– well, for obvious reasons, really– “And then Dr. Reynolds suggested–”

“What’s Dr. Reynolds first name?”

“Squirt.” Wade said blandly, trying not to smile as Peter collapsed into hopeless laughter. “Dr. Squirt Reynolds. I don’t why you think that is so funny. I’m sure he gets mistaken for Burt Reynolds all the time.”

“He literally NEVER gets mistaken for Burt Reynolds!” Peter howled and Wade cleared his throat loudly.

“Are you paying attention or not? This is serious Pete! I’m trying to teach you how to take a temperature the right way!”

Peter settled back down obediently, muffling an errant giggle or two in the pillow, then jumping when a thin dribble of lube landed on him, Wade’s fingers spreading it quickly and warming it against Peter’s skin.

“Okay, Dr. Deapool.” Another giggle and Wade huffed in annoyance. “Please oh please show me how to take a temperature properly.”

“Keep your mouth shut and maybe I will.” Wade slouched back onto the couch, spreading his legs and slipping his hand under Peter’s body to touch his abs, further to ghost over his cock. “Are you watching the documentary?”

“Ugh, I’m watching.” Peter sighed and wiggled impatiently, trying to situate his head so his neck wouldn’t hurt after laying in such a weird position, shifting again as he waited for Wade to start touching him.

Not exactly how he’d planned to wake up from his nap, but since it wasn’t the weirdest thing he’d woken up to– this was fine.

Porn disguised as a rom com? Perfectly fine.

“Shhh.” Wade soothed him with a gentle kiss on his shoulder, kneading at the muscles in Peter’s thigh for several minutes as they watched the  ~~porn rom com~~ documentary. A quick motion at his lap, unbuttoning the fly of his pajama pants, and they both moaned a little when Wade’s bare cock bumped into Peter’s stomach, the wet tip leaving a sticky spot by Peter’s navel.

Peter gave an inviting little wiggle, or as inviting a wiggle as he could sort of splayed over Wade’s lap, but his boyfriend only put a hand on his back to still him.

“Wade–”

“Hey, I waited half an hour for you to wake up.” A flex of Wade’s hips and Peter’s breath caught. “You can wait a few minutes to play, right?”

“So I’m just supposed to lay here face down and bare assed until you decide to do something?” Peter was only half pretending to be petulant. It wasn’t as if he was immune to the feel of Wade beneath him, and it had been a few days since they had been together, so awkward opening or not? He was ready to go and Wade– Wade was stalling. 

“You act as if you’ve never been in this position.” Wade grinned when Peter whined irritably. “And it’s not like we’re just sitting here, we are watching a rom com! Its practically date night!” 

“I thought it was a documentary!”

“Well as long as we both agree that it’s not porn, yeah? Don’t discredit ol’ Squirt Reynolds career over there by cheapening his acting in this superb film.”

“Ugh, fine.” Peter scowled, but still relaxed, going pliant over Wade’s thighs and letting himself enjoy being close to his boyfriend, feeling the heat that poured from the merc’s body. He didn’t need a blanket to keep warm, not when Wade’s metabolism and healing factor made him run so hot, and he knew Wade enjoyed the skin and skin contact, the way Peter was so smooth against all the rough scars.

“I love you.” he mumbled then, and Wade pinched at his side.

“Are you trying to up the sappiness of the rom-com? Because the way Dr. Hammer told our poor nymphomaniac to  _swallow her medicine like a good girl_  is just about all the romance I can handle.”

Silence from Peter, nothing more a  _wonderfully_ judgmental glare and Wade scrunched his nose before adding, “I mean, love you too.” and patting Peter’s ass as they went back to watching the terrible movie. 

“Did she just call Dr. Reynolds dick a thermo-pop?” 

“Thermometer is a big word, Pete.” Wade said disapprovingly. “Not all of us went to college.” 

And a minute later, “Okay, but seriously, Wade. Seriously he just told her that since she skipped her last OBGYN appointment she’s going to need–”

“Pete! I’m watching a movie! Hush!” 

Around five minutes later, right about the time the shockingly buxom and open minded receptionist poked her head into the doctor’s office and wanted to know how she could help poor Mrs – _Sharon Partners? Oh for fucks sake_ – Peter tensed up as a lube slick finger brushed across his entrance, breathing out shakily as it circled at the tight rim.

On screen, the receptionist went to her knees for the start of a sloppy blow job, and on the couch, Wade added more lube and went back to Peter’s hole, teasing at the sensitive skin and venturing down towards Peter’s sac before coming back again with more insistent touches, letting just the tip of his finger disappear into where Peter was hot and  _tight_.

“See that right there?” With his free hand, Wade motioned to the TV and Peter turned to look in time to see one of the doctors– probably Hammer judging by the size of that dick– maneuvering the ‘patient’ over the desk. “He knows the right way to take a temperature. Yep. Gotta stick it in the butt.”

“I hate that that isn’t even close to the least romantic thing you’ve said while you’ve got part of you in my ass.” Peter tried to roll his eyes but they snapped shut when instead when the  _tip_ of Wade’s finger turned into almost his  _entire_ finger, filling Peter up to the second knuckle, and the brunette groaned and tried to rock back against it, his thighs trying to open as much as they could with his pajama pants still on around his knees.

“Talking during documentaries is frowned upon.” Wade said mildly, as if he hadn’t felt the way Peter’s cock had jumped against his thigh at that first  _push_. “And I’m pretty sure you won’t learn anything if your mouth is open.”

“I dunno about that.” Peter grinned and clenched down just to hear the merc groan. “Big and Busty there seemed to learn an awful lot during that blow job.”

“That’s because she’s eager to absorb any and all knowledge.” Wade said easily, and now a second finger started playing at Peter’s hole. “You could take a lesson from that.”

“You want me on my knees to absorb your knowledge?” Peter gripped the couch cushion tight when the second finger parted him, stretching him quickly. “Ah–ah– because I mean, I’m fine with that. We can skip this and go right to the oral lesson.”

“Nah baby boy, I want you right here.” There was a  _squelch_ as Wade added more lube and Peter whined as it dripped down his crack, pooling around his entrance before falling down to his sac and the base of his cock. “As I was learning about all these doctor-y things, I realized that I’ve never made you just come like this–”

“– _fuck_ –”

“And since we’re watching such an informative medical show right now, I figured I could call it a prostate exam–” a quick twist of Wade’s fingers and sparks shot up Peter’s spine, ripping a shout from his throat. “Oh yeah, see? From this angle I can get it perfect, right?”

“So you’re going to force me to watch terrible straight porn and you aren’t even going to use your dick to get me off?” Peter laughed but it was more of a wheeze. “This seems less like a fun wake up call and more like a punishment for napping.”

Peter didn’t have to see Wade’s grin to know it was wicked, and if he had any doubts, they were erased when he suddenly opened up around  _three_ fingers, Wade knowing Peter could take it, knowing he  _loved_ to take it unexpectedly, his healing factor erasing any bit of uncomfortable, leaving room only for pleasure when Wade was in him.

“Wade–” The couch cushion started to tear beneath Peter’s hands when Wade pressed into him again. “ _Please_.”

“Oh no wait, this is a good part.” Wade thrust his fingers slowly, almost absentmindedly, angling them down on every other pass to stroke over the spot that had Peter almost wailing. “This is the part of the movie where the janitor comes in and wonders why the hell there’s so many lights on after hours. He is a real hero that man, no one ever talks about the guy who has to mop up the lube and come and various discarded underthings after these types of exams.”

Onscreen, “ _You know, you guys will break the desk doing it that way, then I’ve got to come in and try to fix it_.”

A woman’s voice, “ _Oh well, I’d hate for you to be inconvenienced, why don’t you come here and I’ll see if I can pay you in advance_.”

“Good god even her voice sounds plastic.” Peter groaned. “No wonder that first orgasm sounded so fake.”

“Hey!” Wade stilled his hand and grinned when Peter grumbled and lifted his ass up so he would keep going. “Have you heard  _you_ orgasm? You get all high and squeaky too. You don’t know she’s faking.”

“Oh trust me–” Peter moaned and went boneless again when Wade kept moving inside him, starting to feel loose and a little sloppy between his legs, his eyes falling half shut when the jolts of pleasure running through his body started centering in his core, making him feel heavy and  _hot_. “Trust me. She’s faking. No way that guy was doing it right, he was banging into her like a–”

“Like a Jack Hammer?” Wade finished, shifting beneath Peter so his own cock could rub into that firm stomach. “Well I mean, he had to get his name  _somewhere_.”

“I’m just saying she’s faking.” Peter gasped, rocking back against Wade’s fingers, trying to get up to his knees so Wade could get deeper, but trapped with his sleep pants still on, and balanced across Wade’s lap, he couldn’t get any leverage. “In fact, I’ll prove it if you would just fuck me properly, show you what a real orgasm looks like.”

“Tempting.” Wade added more lube, just to hear it  _squelch_ down where his was buried inside Peter’s body. “But I really want you to come like this. Call it an experiment.”

“I thought we were calling it a prostate exam!” Peter’s voice shot up high when Wade touched him just right. “Like in a doctors office!”

“We could call it Netflix and Chill since we’re home.” Wade countered.

“Netflix.” Peter gulped in a deep breath and tried to not scream when Wade’s pinky slid into him too. “Oh fuck that’s good, Wade. But–but–but–” another deep breath, ending on a whine when all four fingers started fucking him. “But shouldn’t it be more… Skinflixx and Chill?”

“Oooh I love when you make terrible puns, baby boy. Call it whatever you want, but it’s  _definitely_ happening.”

The  ~~porn rom com~~   ~~documentary~~ skin flick was forgotten on the TV as Wade set about to try and push Peter over the edge just like  _this_.

And  _God_ , Peter was so pretty when he was like  _this_ –that lean body stretched the length of the couch, that Spidey-activity-enhanced booty popped in the air so Wade could get inside him easily, the muscles in Peter’s back and shoulders flexing as he tried to keep himself still, tearing at the couch every time Wade filled him full before retreating, over and over and  _over_ , fingers slipping through the lube, stroking against every sensitive spot inside him until Peter was seeing stars, the pleasure curling in his belly until he could hardly stand it.

“Wade please–” Peter was  _begging_ , which was about the most beautiful thing Wade had ever heard. “Ah-ah-ah baby please. Come on– come on–I’m close–”

Peter was humping against Wade’s thigh, pushing himself back harder onto Wade’s fingers, gritting his teeth and tensing as he tried to chase his own orgasm and Wade groaned low in his throat, hips jerking helplessly up to rub his cock into Peter’s stomach.

“Come on Pete.” he coaxed breathlessly. “Come on baby boy, I know you can do this just with my fingers, come for me, let me see it.”

“Wade, I can’t–” Another frustrated whine, Peter trying to lift up and Wade keeping a hand at the small of his back so he wouldn’t – not  _forcing_ , because they both knew Peter could move if he wanted– but  _asking_ him to stay put because this was right up there on Wade’s list of top ways to make Peter lose his mind.

“Aw come on.” Wade tried to laugh but it came out more of a growl. “Look, both the women in our little documentary managed to come with those assholes pounding at him, I know you can come since I’m taking such–” a particularly deep thrust and Peter shouted. “–good–” another one and Peter started shaking. “–care of you!”

One last thrust of his fingers, a twist of his wrist, Wade’s other hand moving to tangle in Peter’s hair and pull just as hard as Peter always loved him to–

And Peter screamed as he came, back bowing, cushions shredding beneath his fingers as he tore at it, clenching down so tight around Wade that it almost hurt, the merc giving a shout of his own as Peter’s writhing and trembling brought him right to his own edge, and then when Peter sobbed his name, “Wade, oh fuck oh  _fuck_ you’re so good that was good that was so–”

Wade was  _lost_ , smacking his head back on the couch and trying to hold Peter still so he could thrust up against him, pouring hot and wet all over the beautifully tensing abdomen, rubbing through the mess to get every last bit of pleasure from the moment before collapsing, sated.

Onscreen, “ _Oh my doctor, do you really think regular appointments will cure my nymphomania? I feel like maybe this only made it worse! I’m hornier than ever!”_

And then, “ _Well, it will take a few sessions before it starts working. Why don’t you come back on the 9th and we’ll try it again_.”

“ _Oh! June ninth! Six Nine. Got it_!”

“Oh my god they made a sixty-nine joke.” Peter mumbled, the words barely understandable from where he was buried face down in the couch. “Wade, this is the  _worst_ rom-com you’ve ever made me watch.”

“Oh I dunno.” Wade still could barely breathe. “Remember  _Me, Myself and Irene_? That was pretty fucking terrible. At least this time we got to see tiddies.”

“I didn’t want to see tiddies.” Peter complained. “I wanted to nap!”

“We can’t pass up educational medical documentaries for naps, Pete.”

“Back to it being a documentary?”

“Well it certainly wasn’t porn.”

“Because of the ‘plot’?”

“I don’t think the air quotes are necessary, Peter, you know damn well there was plot. That nympho needed serious help and those doctors were willing to go above and beyond the call of duty to–”

“Wade.” Peter rolled over gingerly, and sat up to smoosh a kiss to Wade’s lips. “Stop talking. We both need a shower and there is a wet spot on both the couch and the carpet that need to be cleaned.”

“Ok but then after that.” Wade stood up and brought Peter with him, cradling him in his arms bridal style. “After that? I have a rom-com/ documentary called ‘ _Tits a Wonderful Life_ ’ and since it’s Christmas themed I know you’ll like it.”

“ _‘Tits a Wonderful Life_ ’?” Peter repeated. “Wade that sounds–” he sighed. “Yeah alright. I can handle Christmas themed porn. But this time you’re over my lap, deal?”

“Will you call me Dr. Deadpool?” 

“Jesus Christ, Wade.”


End file.
